


Knowing Me, Knowing You...

by elisi



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-24
Updated: 2010-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 23:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisi/pseuds/elisi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doctor + River + Jack = ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing Me, Knowing You...

It wasn't that the Doctor didn't enjoy excitement and difficult situations - he did, a lot. But days like today he dearly wished he could press 'pause' and come back another time.

Currently he was carefully making his way through an ancient temple on Ethrathorita II, and its labyrinthine layout, endless dead ends and numerous sudden traps were beginning to wear him down somewhat. Especially considering Amy and Rory's hostage-status, and the fact that the _reason_ for the hostage-taking and subsequent temple-exploring was a highly sensitive bomb in the middle of the maze (unhelpfully placed there by the local residents’ arch enemies) that was slowly counting down to a quite significant explosion that he would really rather not be near.

Checking his watch again, he realised that they only had ten minutes left.

Yes, 'they'. He had - with some rather persuasive word-mastery - managed to extract River as a helpmate from their unwelcoming hosts, but had for quite some time regretted this, wistfully contemplating Amy's energy and Rory's steadfastness.

Of course River’s archaeological training was - as he’d foreseen - incredibly useful considering the nature of their enterprise, but overall it was beginning to prove more of a hindrance than a help, since she was constantly side-tracked by inscriptions, statues, murals, carvings and the ingenious way the traps had been constructed. He kept having to pull her along, as she excitedly took pictures and scribbled down notes.

"Ten minutes!"

"Of course, Sweetie," she answered absentmindedly. "Now would you look at this? I believe it’s another reference to the principal deity, who is _not_ , in my professional opinion, a permutation of the old god like people think, but is, as a matter of fact, the very same character who keeps popping up all over this galaxy. I’ve been thinking about writing a paper-”

"Come _on_!" he said, taking her hand and dragging her behind him, before almost falling off the edge of a very abrupt too-wide-to-jump gap that seemed to go down to the very bowels of the planet.

She held out her wrist, pulling back her sleeve, and they teleported to the other side. If only there had been some kind of reliable map they could have used the vortex manipulator and gone straight to the centre, but of course it wasn't that easy. The planters of the bomb had been very thorough in their efforts to make any rescue mission as impossible as possible.

River, not fazed in the slightest, continued talking, not taking any notice of his frown.

"Oh but you see, the interesting thing is that it's not _you_. I know most of your legends by now, if not all of them, and this other figure is, despite many similarities, quite distinctly different. I saw a mural down one of the passages..."

Her voice trailed off as he held up a hand.

"Sh!"

Something was wrong. Somewhere deep inside his senses were beginning to shout very very loudly to just turn around and run away. Having a sudden and unwelcome idea of what might be the cause of this feeling, he stalked forwards, senses wide and alert.

Dodging a falling rock and catching a few poison darts - it was all very Indiana Jones, something he’d pointed out to River earlier on, which had led to an unexpected discussion of whips that he’d rather not have had - he stepped through an optical illusion and finally found himself by the door to the innermost chamber.

And found that the door was ajar, light peeping through around the frame and casting bright ribbons of gold onto the floor.

With a sinking feeling, as if his hearts had relocated to his boots, he pushed the door open.

In the middle of the heavily decorated room there was a large stone altar, upon which stood a rather unpleasantly substantial bomb, emitting a low, but very insistent and unnerving vibrating noise. And behind the altar stood a tall, handsome man, in a WW2 great coat, carefully picking apart the inside of the explosive device, a golden glow globe hovering in the air above him.

The man looked up as the door scraped along the floor, frowned, and the next moment the Doctor found a large gun aimed at his chest. A second later River's gun rested on his shoulder, pointing straight at the other gun, as she purred:

"Drop it, big boy."

The Doctor sighed deeply.

"River, put the gun away. You too, Jack. You _know_ how I feel about weapons."

There was a pause, as Jack's eyes widened.

" _Doctor_?"

"The one and only."

The Doctor spread his arms, and Jack's face split in a wide grin.

"Oooh, _love_ the new face! Should have known it was you - somewhere this Indiana Jones-y was bound to attract you!"

He tilted his head. "Although I guess the bow tie would make you Indy's _dad_. If he was twelve..."

The Doctor was about to say something about 'Not you too!' when Jack turned back to the bomb.

"Actually since you're here, would you mind giving me a hand? I'm almost done, but that sonic screwdriver of yours would make life a lot simpler!"

"Of course," he said, stepping forwards and in a split-second taking in the situation and what needed doing. Pulling out the screwdriver he aimed it carefully.

"Good to see you're finally appreciating it."

Jack looked like he was about to say something, as he looked up from the wires he was about to cut, but then raised an eyebrow.

"New screwdriver too? And this one's bigger than the old one..."

"Enough of that!" the Doctor reproached, and Jack, to his immense relief, lowered his head and busied himself with the wires again - a quiet smile on his face, but no more innuendoes forthcoming. After a moment there was a lovely 'plip' sound and the bomb went silent.

Jack grinned.

"Thank you very much, Doctor. Your timing is impeccable. Now - are you going to introduce me to your lovely companion?"

River - who had been on the comm. unit, informing Amy and Rory's captors of the success of their mission and imminent return - smiled widely in return, and the Doctor, giving in to the inevitable, waved his hands between the two of them.

“Jack – Doctor River Song. River – Captain Jack Harkness.”

River smiled deeply, eyes twinkling as she took Jack's hand.

“Oh we’ve met.”

She looked Jack over from head to toe, not bothering to hide her admiration.

“ _Much_ younger, and with a different name mind you, but oh yeah, I _remember_.”

The Doctor tried not to roll his eyes and was about to say something about possible Spoilers, but then realised that Jack looked worried rather than flirtatious, studying River with a frown.

“When was this? I know I’m getting on, but I think I’d recall...”

River chuckled. “No you wouldn’t. Which reminds me…”

Opening her handbag she pulled out a pen and pad.

“I need you to go find past-me and give me this message. Hang on...”

Resting the pad on the alter she carefully drew a circle, and then started adding smaller circles and lines. As the Doctor began to get the gist, he shook his head (of _course_ it had been her), but Jack was still completely out of the loop and clearly getting a bit unsettled – not an uncommon reaction to River, the Doctor had to admit, and he began to worry less about what Jack might say regarding their own last encounter, and more about all the ways in which River was problematic.

“Hang on – is that Gallifreyan?” Jack asked, and the Doctor snorted.

“Well if you discount the atrocious grammar…”

“Shut up Sweetie. I’m not going to conjugate in seven different tenses for the sake of a note only I am going to read.”

“OK, time out! Is anyone going to explain what’s going on?”

Jack had obviously had enough, but River only smiled in her own smug River way and held out the note.

“I’ll explain later. When you come back, to be precise. Oh, and you’re going to 5-8-diamond-alpha-3-slash-triangle.”

Jack stared at her, incredulous.

“And how exactly am I supposed to get to the other side of this galaxy, a thousand years ago?”

A frown formed on her face.

“But you were a Time Agent...”

Jack crossed his arms.

“Emphasis on the _past_ tense! I’ve been hitch hiking recently, since I’m too honest to steal ships these days.”

“Ah. In that case, I suppose you better take this.”

River pulled back her sleeve and took off the vortex manipulator, and Jack stared at it, slowly turning it over in his hands when she gave it to him.

“This is _mine_!”

“I don’t think so,” River replied coolly, but with what might be a small hint of tension. The Doctor looked from one to the other, curious, but refrained from saying anything as Jack’s face clouded over.

“Oh yes. Look – the leather is new, custom made in 21st Century Cardiff. How the hell did you get it?”

“I bought it,” she answered defensively. “And it wasn’t cheap. Fresh off the wrist off a handsome Time Agent, so they told me…” she tilted her head. “Well, not actually _off_ the wrist… And from what I can tell you've still got both your hands.”

"It grew back," Jack said, tight-lipped, and River's face lit up.

"Really? You know, I was just thinking-"

“River?” the Doctor cut in, deeply disturbed at this turn of events. "You never said that you acquired your vortex manipulator in such an alarming manner... Quite frankly I'm appalled. Listen-"

“Darling,” she said, smiling in a way clearly meant to mollify as she patted his arm soothingly, “it was the end of the universe, remember? TARDIS go boom? I needed time travel as quickly as possible - and a one handed man is a small price for saving the world, don’t you think?”

“Stop... sounding so reasonable!” he complained. “You shouldn’t-“

“And yet I do,” she interrupted, then turned to Jack.

“Now, run off and give past-me the note. You'll find me in the bar - I’m not easy to miss.”

Jack turned from her, conflicted, and looked at the Doctor, who resignedly nodded.

“Wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey. I suppose you better do as she says, or your personal time line probably goes belly-up - and quite frankly I don’t know what would happen if a fixed point in time was at the heart of a paradox.”

He frowned, trying to contemplate the space-time repercussions, the result of which made him want to go have a nice quiet cup of tea and a jammie dodger.

Jack studied them both, then shook his head and fastened the wrist strap.

“You know, I could just leave and not come back.”

River raised an eloquent eyebrow, and Jack swore silently, before disappearing.

“River,” the Doctor said slowly, “What exactly…”

“You don’t want to know.”

They were facing each other, and he could feel his temper flare up at her blank refusal to explain.

_‘One day I’m going to be someone you trust completely,’_ he could hear her future-self say in the dark recesses of his memory - but today wasn’t that day. He glowered.

“I think that is up to me to decide.”

“I do what I have to. Like Jack, I suppose. And stop being patronising, it doesn’t suit you.”

He studied her, wondering how on earth this impossible woman managed to get to him so thoroughly, but then Jack reappeared (couldn’t he have given them five minutes? It wouldn’t have made any difference from _his_ perspective) looking from one to the other.

“Answers. Now.”

There was a pause, then the Doctor tiredly dragged a hand through his hair.

“The note told River’s past self to wipe two years off your memory.”

Jack’s head snapped round.

“ _What_? No. That was the Time Agency. How-”

River tilted her head, positively radiating smugness.

“I made it _look_ like it was the Time Agency.”

“But why…”

She smiled, a little sadly.

“Because you’d spent two years studying an elusive figure called ‘the Doctor’, trying to work out a way to ensnare him and steal his TARDIS.”

Jack’s mouth nearly fell open.

“You’re _kidding_.”

“Not at all. The Agency was rather taken with the idea of broadening their reach and power, or so you told me. You want your memories back by the way? Some of them have me in. The best ones, I’d wager.”

The look on her face left no one in any doubt as to what she meant, and the Doctor sighed again. He had a feeling he'd be doing that a lot.

“River…”

“Oh darling, don’t be such a fusspot. Time Agents do have… quite a reputation. Didn’t want to miss an opportunity to see if it was exaggerated.”

Jack suddenly seemed to have revived, charm and curiosity snapping back to life as if never gone.

“And?”

“Not in the least.”

Smile met smile, as eyes met eyes, and the Doctor grumpily picked up the dead bomb.

“You’re both impossible,” he complained, and River laughed.

“That’s why you love us.” She turned to Jack.

"Now, just give me back my wrist strap and we can be out of here."

Jack slowly shook his head.

"Let's take the scenic route, shall we?"

He held out his arm, indicating the door, and the Doctor shook his head.

"I think we had quite enough of deadly traps coming in..."

Jack chuckled.

"Ah, but I know all the shortcuts."

River's eyes narrowed.

"And why might that be?"

"It's my temple!" he answered, teeth bright in the dimly lit chamber, and River's face broke out into an answering grin.

"You know, that's _exactly_ what I suspected. The inscriptions indicated an immortal deity - but one with an unchanging face... I’ve been thinking about writing a paper, actually. Did I mention that I'm an archaeologist by the way? If you would come with me, there's a beautiful mural down one of the corridors that I would love to measure you against... It’s nude, but you won’t mind, will you?"

Taking Jack’s arm she steered him out of the door, and the Doctor looked at the bomb in his arms.

“Birds of a feather. Whatever did I do to deserve _two_ of them?”

***

  


Sometime later, in the TARDIS.

The Doctor pressed buttons and flicked switches with intense concentration, before decisively turning the great handle that took them into the vortex, and then finally allowed himself to relax.

“You were saying, Rory?”

“Um... you _do_ know that you left River and that Jack-bloke behind...”

The Doctor didn’t answer, and Amy folded her arms, eyes narrowing.

“You’re running away again, aren’t you?”

He looked at his lovely young companions - sweet and innocent and delightful - and nodded decisively.

“Yes. Yes I am. Now - who would like to go to Barcelona? The _planet_ , mind you, not the city? Fan _tas_ tic place, trust me!”

Without waiting for a response he started keying in the co-ordinates, determined not to worry about all the trouble River and Jack would undoubtedly get themselves into, knowing them...

End

  



End file.
